


Nothing anyone says before the word 'but' really counts

by Iron_Felix



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Plot, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-06 12:23:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 6,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11600571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iron_Felix/pseuds/Iron_Felix
Summary: Essentially my personal version of season 7 containing stuff that actually happens in the series and some changes to them that I would have liked to have seen and my personal interpretation of some scenes. Be on the lookout for 'buts' :)





	1. The North1

**Author's Note:**

> As this is the first chapter of my first fic I wouldn't expect much and it will be considerably shorter than future chapters but I will however continue to try and improve my writing, that said , if you have any suggestions or constructive criticisms I'd love to hear them in the comments so I can improve my work and provide you all with better content. Read on and enjoy :)

As he walked the ramparts looking upon the lands surrounding winterfell, his lands, covered in a thick blanket of snow he was deep in thoughts of the wall and what was beyond it as well as of facing the northern lords for the first time as 'king in the north'. These were not thoughts he cherished, but he would have his sister there beside him and he was sure the two of them together would be handle a single counsel of lords.  
"your grace" maester wolkan approached  
"what is it maester ?" Jon hadn't liked being interrupted when he was thinking.  
"your lords are gathered in the great hall"  
"lets go and get this over with then" he was not looking forward to this, but he wasn't about to leave Sansa to deal with it herself.


	2. The North 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the north again for this one but don't worry the next one will have a change of scenery, maybe somewhere amidst salt and smoke :)

"my lords!" The northern lords gave their king their attention immediately.  
"I have already told you all of the threat to the north, and I have called you here so we can plan our defence of our land against the army of the dead"  
"And how should we begin, your grace ?" Jon was surprised how quickly lord Glover had come around to the idea of the walkers' return, the other lords too.  
"we know that steel cannot harm the walkers but dragonglass is more than enough to deal with them if they can be struck, valyrian steel as well, we must search our maester's records for any instances of dragonglass so we can mine and make weapons of it."  
"it shall be as you say your grace"  
"now to the next matter, we will train every northener ten or more, how to use bow,shield,spear, sword and axe so they may take up arms against the dead"  
"it is indeed about time that we taught these green summer boys how to fight!"  
"you mistake me lord Glover, the boys and the girls will be trained, we cannot defend the north when only half the north is fighting"  
"you expect me to arm my granddaughter and send her off to die against the walkers!?" Lord Glover was furious that much was plain to see. Jon had o think of something to say and quickly, he couldn't appear indecisive now. Then lyanna stepped in.  
"lord Glover, I may be young and I may be a girl but I am every bit as much a northener as you and i will not sit by and let men die defending the north while I sit knitting by the fire, and I don't need your permission to defend the north myself. We will begin training every man, woman, boy and girl on bear island." Lord glover just nodded and sat back down. Jon wondered how he had inspired such loyalty from lyanna and he couldn't help but think of arya and how alike the two were.  
"Tormund" Tormund rose from his bench, the eyes of the northern lords upon him.  
"I do not rule the free folk but if we are to survive this war together, we must fight together. The last place we saw the army of the dead was at Hardhome." Jon remembered that day and the horror of the dead army. He would never forget.  
"The closest castle on the wall to Hardhome is eastwatch-by-the-sea"  
"and you want us to man it for you?"  
"Aye. Eastwatch is priority but the other castles must be manned as well. Will you go?"  
"if that's where we're needed that's where we'll go" Tormund looked around at the northern lords, smiled and said: "looks like we're the nights watch now" the lords grumbled at that.  
"Thank you, Tormund" Tormund returned to his seat.  
"After the wall the closest castles are Karhold and The Last Hearth, belonging to the Karstarks and the Umbers"  
"The Karstarks and the Umbers betrayed the north, their Castles should be torn down and destroyed, root and stem." Yohn Royce, Jon knew, fought with his father in Robert's rebellion however he was too quick to anger for Jon's liking but he seemed loyal and honorable, Jon did not distrust him.  
"Lord Royce" Jon was surprised Sansa decided to speak, she had been awfully quiet since his coronation.  
"If I may be so bold, the castles themselves have committed no crimes and they can be of use to us in the wars to come, we need not destroy them." She turned to Jon.  
"You should give the castles to loyal houses who fought beside us" The lords seemed to like that idea, no doubt each hoped they would receive one of the castles.  
" Karstarks and Umbers have kept faith with the starks for thousands of years ..."  
"And then they broke faith" That hurt Jon, he thought Sansa would be there to support him.  
"I will not take away a family's home for the crimes of its reckless children"  
"So there is no reward for loyalty and no punishment for treason then?" Jon wondered why she was being like this and what he had done to deserve it.  
"The punishment for treason is death and both the smalljon and Harold Karstark died on the field of battle."  
"But..."  
"No. It is my decision that the Umbers and Karstarks will keep their homes and my decision is final."  
"Ned Umber and Alys Karstark, step forward and swear you loyalty to the north and to the starks, to fight with us now and always" They stepped forward and swore their oaths in unison.  
"We swear to fight with the north and the starks, we are yours, now and always." The other lords seemed pleased, Jon was relieved by that. He bid them rise.  
"That will be all for now my lords"  
"Sansa, a word. Now"

There was an awkward silence between them until Jon had led her far enough away that no one could hear them. She was uncertain what he would say and what she should say to him. She knew he was angry, she hadn't wanted to anger him she was just sick of being used as a tool and never being listened to or shown any respect. After all the hurt all she wanted was a voice.  
"Sansa, you are my sister but I am king now"  
"Will you start wearing a crown, your grace?"  
"When you question my decisions in front of the other lords you undermine me"  
"So no one can question your decisions now? Joffrey never let anyone question him, do you think he was a good king?" Those words were more venomous than she had intended, she almost couldn't believe she had said them. Those words had shocked and hurt Jon she could see that just from looking at him. He took a brief pause before he replied.  
"Do you truly think of me like Joffrey?" By the gods he even sounded hurt. They gazed deep into each others eyes for a moment and Sansa let out a brief sigh.  
" You are as far from joffrey as anyone I've ever met."  
"Thank you" He smiled at her, it was an awkward smile though, she could tell he still hurt from her comment.  
"You are good at this, you know" She hoped that would make him feel better.  
"at what?"  
" At ruling"  
"hmph. No"  
"You are" Look at me Jon, she wanted him to see she meant it.  
"you really are Jon"  
"They lords clearly respect you, they really do, but..." He laughed at that.  
"Why are you laughing?"  
"Father always used to say everything before the word 'but' was horseshit"  
"He never said that to me"  
"No he wouldn't have, he never did curse in front of his girls." And Sansa knew exactly why.  
"Because he was trying to protect us. He never wanted us to see the world for how it truly was, but he couldn't protect us and neither can you. So stop trying." She just wanted him to understand that she wasn't that naïve, stupid little girl any more, she wanted him to listen to her and keep his head.  
"Alright I'll stop trying to protect you and you stop trying to undermine me."  
"I'm not trying to undermine you" He was turned away from her.  
"Jon" She tried to grab his attention to no avail.  
"Jon!" She grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him to face her.  
"Jon. I loved Robb and I loved father but they both made stupid mistakes and lost their head, you have to be smarter than they were." Since the death of her father, the first time she had felt safe and happy was with Jon and she couldnt stand to lose him it would break her more than she had already been broken, if he died a part of her would die with him.  
"and how should I be smarter, by listening to you?" That hurt her , all she wanted was for her king to be safe and for him to listen to her.  
"Would that be so bad?" They looked at each other for what felt like an eternity. Sansa stared into his eyes hoping for some indication of his feelings.  
"Your grace." Maester Wolkan approached them.  
"A raven from king's landing" he handed the message to Jon, gave Sansa a slight bow and left.  
"what does it say?" She knew it couldn't be anything good if it was from Cersei.  
"She orders me to ride to kings landing and bend the knee or suffer the fate of all traitors."  
"You've been so focused on fighting the enemy to the north you've forgotten about the one to the south."  
"The lannisters are a southern army they could never range this far north."  
"You shouldn't underestimate cersei, every enemy she has had, everyone who has crossed her, has ended up dead by her hand."  
"You almost sound as if you admire her."  
"I learned a lot from her." And you could too you brave, noble fool, she wanted to say.


	3. Dragonstone 1

Of all the things Tyrion expected to do in his life planning an attack on his childhood home and a siege of the westerosi capital was not one of them especially, considering he was doing the aforementioned things to restore the targaryens, he wondered how his brother would feel if they ever saw each other again. Tyrion didn't trust these allies of the dragon queen they weren't here to place her on the throne, they were here for vengeance and would see the country burn if they got it. Tyrion wasn't on the side of the dragon so he could see his country burn all he wanted was peace and stability and to help govern under someone who deserved to be the ruler.  
"my lord hand" Varys said with a smirk. Tyrion hadn't noticed his entrance, but he was used to surprises from Varys.  
"What is it eunuch?"  
"Our queen summons us to counsel, Imp"  
They both chuckled. Tyrion wasn't looking forward to having to keep his anger in check at the sight of that bloody dornishwoman.  
"Fine. Allow me a moment to change Varys"  
"As you wish. I will see you there my lord"  
Tyrion quickly changed into finer clothes and affixed his silver pin to the breast of his surcoat. He still couldn't believe this was real and that he was really here but he had to push such thoughts from his mind, now was no time for doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise this was quite a bit shorter but there is some stuff in the north I realised I wanted to get done before a major change in location but I also didn't want to deprive anyone of tyrion for too long. :) also I've realised I realised I put a 'was' where there should have been a 'wasn't' im sure you noticed it if you've already read but I've fixed it now.


	4. Sansa 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't get it from the chapter title this one will be entirely from the POV of Sansa. Enjoy :)

She finally found him in the godswood sitting at the heart tree, he was busy sharpening longclaw and looked to be deep in thought. She decided not to bother him, he was likely stressed with his newfound rulership. Everyone needs to be alone sometimes, Sansa knew that better than most. After some thought she decided she would go to the hot springs, she had always found them relaxing as a child and she needed that now.

Sansa removed her clothes and bundled them into the hollow of a nearby tree and stepped into the pool, smaller than she remembered but she supposed that was due to her having grown somewhat. Still, there was more than enough room for her to sit down and so she did, her back resting against the edge of the pool, it was sweet release. She looked upon her own naked body tracing the scars upon it, remembering the hurt, but not for long as those thoughts were swiftly replaced by the memories of childhood, she drifted off to a pleasant sleep without a worry or a care in the world.

She smelled man, but not wolfman, birdman, slimy man, dangerous and cunning. She watched him walk through the wolfman's forest and followed it, watching it warily, it does not belong in the wolfman forest, she say a she-man a fellow wolf. She saw the bird creeping towards the she-wolf, she did not like his eyes or the way he moved. She charged at the birdman knocking him to the ground and tore briefly at his flesh to wound but not kill him and to warn him away from the forest of the wolfman, he ran terrified from the forest and she returned to her alpha by the great white tree and lay down, being sure if the safety of her pack mate.

Sansa awoke suddenly after a rather unsettling dream, it almost felt real, but it couldn't have been, she was in the springs the entire time. She redressed to return to the castle. On the way she found what looked like torn cloth from a sleeve or some such and she walked by the heart tree ti find jon sleeping beside his direwolf clutching longclaw and she noticed that he was wearing the cloak she made him, that made her smile. And she saw blood on ghosts muzzle and supposed the wolf must have been out hunting.

That night Sansa slept perfectly soundly for the first time in a long time, she felt safe.


	5. Sansa 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last for now until I've had some sleep as its 2am where I'm from and I'm running out of coffee.

It was the night after her trip to the hot springs, she hadnt seen anyone that day she had spent her day on making a blanket it was if black wool with a red eyed, white coated direwolf, a gift for jon, to make up for her harsh words to him after they had left the northern counsel, it had been tiring work and she had went to her bed early that night, her sleep was not so sound this time. She dreamed of childhood once more and her thoughts then drifted to Jon, and to the words they exchanged after he had organised the defence of the north.   
"you are my sister BUT ..."  
"everything before the word but is horseshit" She wondered if that meant he did not think if her as a sister or if she was just being ridiculous. If he didn't think of her as a sister, she couldn't blame him for that, she was horrible to him when they were children. She lay wondering if she wasn't seen as a sister, what then? Her thoughts then drifted on to her own feelings and she realised she didn't think of him as a brother, a stark to be sure, but not a brother. Was it less than that or more? She couldn't say. All she knew for sure was that he made her feel safe and happy, she regretted her harsh words to him then.  
"You cant protect me, so stop trying." She realised why those words were said now she had felt safe with her father and then was foolish enough to feel safe with little finger. In both cases the results ended in more and more suffering, she didn't want to feel safe again or she thought it would all go wrong again, she wasn't allowed to be happy, all she got was hurt, she was a stupid girl who knew nothing all she got was hurt, it was all she deserved.


	6. Jon 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, I just couldn't resist writing more, I'm enjoying this more than I thought I would. :)

Jon woke in the night to the sound if weeping from sansa's room. He had wanted to go to her, to comfort her but she had made it clear to him she did not want it.  
"you cant protect me so stop trying." Those words had cut him deep, the only reason he kept fighting after his return was because of her, for her. Until he saw her at castle black he had been ready to give up and leave the world to die, nothing had remained that was worth fighting for, until her, until Sansa. All he wanted now was to protect her, and everyone else of course, his sister was above them all, she was all he had left, everyone else was lost to him or dead. 'sister', the word didn't sit right with him, it occurred to him that she didn't feel like a sister to him, what then? Even he didn't have the answer.


	7. Jon 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me right now: " fuck sleep im gonna write more"

"See you soon King Crow" Tormund and Jon shook hands.  
"before you go tormund, thank you, for everything." Tormund looked at him.  
" Its not me you should thank, I did as any man would, you gave your life for me and so I was willing, nay, am, willing to give my life for you. You should thank your sister and before you say anything I know you'll have thanked with your flowery southern words. When you two argued in that hall and she stood up to you in front of all those high lords, you know who she reminded me of?" After Tormund:s words Jon knew fine well who he meant.  
"You don't thank a woman like that with words" Jon was at a loss for words.  
"Old Gods watch over you, Snow"  
"And you, Tormund" Fucking hell, of all the things about the free folk that was what was their best and worst feature, they were unapologetically frank.


	8. Petyr 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'll get to writing about other locations but after the first two episodes of this season in sailing the jonsa ship hard. But seriously the Jon & Sansa scenes this season have been fucking amazing, the ned&cat parallels are far from subtle and has anyone else thought that Sansa, after gaining a stronger will, as we've seen in the first two episodes, slightly resembles a certain fiery redhead Jon used to love? I'm going crazy.

He needed to be more careful in future, that wolf might have killed him had it the will to do so, as it stood it had stopped at savaging his arm, he would need to be careful that wound was not discovered, he did not look forward to explaining it to the 'king in the north'. He sent his own maester to procure supplies from maester wolkan, the wound needed healing. Something needed done about the beast, no doubt it would do worse if he came near to Sansa again when it was about. He considered he would need to wait until the bastard wasn't around his lovely sister. Petyr smiled to himself. He would have his way eventually, no matter what.


	9. Jaime 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be in the south for the next few chapters mostly kings landing but some dragonstone and starfall as well.

He did not trust this fucking pirate, He couldn't believe his Sister has stooped as low even after what she had done to the Sept, this was something else entirely, it was the act of a desperate woman fighting for survival. The survival part being the only reason he accepted it, it wasn't like his chances would be better elsewhere, so here he stood for better or worse beside a woman who now seemed so alien to him, though once they were lovers. Here he stood, a broken man with nowhere else to go.

He had been surprised how many of the lords of the reach had come no doubt out of respect for lord tarly, he reminded himself to speak with tarly after cersei's speech, if they were going to have any hope of survival the allegiance of a man like tarly could go a long way, a very long way.  
"my lords, I wish to speak to you of this dragon queen, this foreign invader bringing a foreign horde, there are many tales coming out of the east of her savagery, she has crucified rightful rulers and fed them to her dragons, she has burned men alive for defying her and she brings a horde of savages, all of them raiders and rapers, make no mistake my lords if we do not band together to stop this dragon queen, her dothraki will do to westeros what they do to every land they conquer, they will burn our villages, tear down our holdfasts and rape our women. Our land will be torn to pieces on the whim of this queen, as mad as her father ever was!" He was actually rather impressed by cersei's speech, so to were the gathered lords it seemed.  
"I will give you time to consider whose side you are on, we adjourn for now"

Jaime thankfully was able to catch lord tarly before he left the hall.  
"Lord Tarly"  
"ser Jaime"  
" and this must be your son, rickard wasit?"  
"Dickon, my lord"  
"Ah, my apologies Dickon but I require your father for a moment, if you would lord tarly" Jaime gestured down the corridor and they began a slow walk.  
"I appreciate your coming lord Tarly, if you hadn't come I doubt the other lords would have, you are well-known and well-respected"  
"when my queen summons me I come, we tarlys are not in the habit if breaking oaths" Jaime was pleased by that.  
"But my queen asks to break my oath to my liege who I've known since childhood, tell me sir Jaime, which vow do I upkeep, how does one decide which is the greater duty when two of them conflict?"  
"your liege has conspired to bring an army of savages to our shores and your queen seeks to defend these shores" he paused briefly.  
" you are the only man who was able to beat Robert In the field, you would be a fine general in the war, a fine general could make a fine warden of the south when the position needs filling, don't you think?" Jaime liked his response, he didn't think death would be becoming of him.


	10. Jaime 2

Cersei had been furious at the letter she received from the north "the north will know no king but the king in the north whose name is snow, the white wolf will never kneel for the golden lion, head north if you wish to see whose claws and fangs are sharper. The north remembers the debts you owe and winter is coming to collect. Signed Jon Snow, The white wolf" The letter had been affixed by seal of the stark direwolf upon white wax. Jaime had been surprised at such a move from the northmen, he had met this Jon Snow at winterfell and he hadn't seemed the type for such confrontation but then again, people change. He rubbed where his golden hand where it met his stump. He was worried cersei might take such offense as to make a move on the north no southern army had ever done well up there.


	11. Dragonstone 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided That I will do chapters purely from the POV of certain characters as well as chapters that switch POV between different characters as in chapter 2. I'm going to make more single character chapters than location chapters but the character chapters will be far shorter than location chapters. Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Tyrion was thankful that the war counsel was over quickly, it was a tense affair the dornish seemed to take offense when they found out they would be besieging kings landing but they saw the sense in it when he explained it had to be a westerosi army, and that he had been perfectly fine planning an attack on his own family home. Overall he was less concerned about their loyalty now they seemed reasonable at the very least, he still didn't like the dornishwoman though, a lannister always pays his debts.

Yara had made her doubts about th voyage known to daenerys, she felt there was too much risk of an attack from enemy forces, such as her uncle, because they were sailing so far south and had no knowledge of Euron or where he might be. Nonetheless she had sent yara anyway, that grated on her, but ultimately she obeyed her queen's command, it was better than whatever Euron would have done if she hadn't left the iron islands.

Tyrion had finally managed to iron out a plan of attack with grey worm for the assault on casterly rock, after all he did know it better than anyone else there. They had decided that the best plan of attack was the same way dany had taken yunkai, a small band would sneak in, this time through the sewers, and open the castle to the remaining forces so they could rush in and take it with little effort. Bronn would have been perfect for this tyrion had thought to himself.

Yara had set sail, Her unsullied were on their way to take the lannister's hone, she had capable advisors and three dragons, she was ready, ready to be a dragon, ready for fire and blood.


	12. Melisandre 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be heading north next chapter, I finally know how I'm gonna write bran stuff. Also I'd just like to say that if anyone has been reading and found sansa's behaviour inconsistent between sansa 1&2, that's intentional ;)

Melisandre had been glad to receive swift audience with the dragon queen. King snow may have exiled her from the north but she would do whatever she could to make sure he could lead the living through the long night and three dragons could help him do that. The dragon queen had been arrogant enough to assume that melisandre had meant her when she talked of a prophesized hero, Mel did not disabuse her of this notion, figuring it better stroke her ego, more open to manipulation that way. To be sure she came around quick enough to the idea of summoning Jon snow to dragonstone and listening to the things he had seen, especially after her dwarf advisor, who Mel assumed to be tyrion lannister, had vouched for jon but she seemed intent on having him bend the knee and Mel was less than sure of how he would take that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer to write than it should, I was having technical issues :( also expect chapter 13 to be a hell of a lot longer than any so far as I have an incredible amount of ideas for that.


	13. The North 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was super excited about this chapter and I'm quite happy to have even just a little bit of positive feedback from this as I wasn't expecting my first fic to be any good if I'm honest, that said, read on and enjoy :)

Since the vision of jon's birth at the weirwood bran had slept most of the way to the wall, he had been having green dreams again, like the kind he had before theon had taken winterfell and these dreams were just as cryptic. A lone wolf in its den hidden away from danger by a fierce snow storm nothing could pass through but a great beast of fire and blood came to banish the storm, to take the wolf's snow, to take it's shield, the wolf howled and howled in anger and fear for the snow to return.

Sansa had spoke to Jon since his wildling friend had left just more than a day ago, it was like he was avoiding her, and she couldn't understand what she had done to anger him so, he hadn't invited her to any recent meetings and she knew full well there had been meetings, he wasn't just avoiding her he was pushing her away. And she had no idea why, all she wanted was an explanation and some fucking acknowledgement. He had definitely avoided her on purpose their eyes had met more than once the past day. She hadn't done much that day for she was too busy being tortured by her king's indifference and her dreams were just as uncomfortable as her day.

The air was cool on her coat as she ran through the woods, running and running until she could no more, she felt wild and free, then she felt a pull towards her alpha, felt his pain and sadness, she went to him beneath the great white tree where she knew he would be and looked upon him resting under some great black creature's hide with her own face marked upon it, she curled up at his feet to sleep beside him.

Jon had awoke in the godswood that morning as he had since tormund had left, fucking tormund, although he was more than a little surprised to have woken to ygritte standing before him all clad in furs, more surprising was the blow to the face, then he realised it wasn't ygritte.  
"why Jon?" She had a fierce look on her face.  
"I don't kn.."he didn't manage to finish his sentence, it pained his jaw far too much.  
"you don't what? You don't feel you owe me an explanation for your behaviour? You don't care what I might need or how I might feel? I thought we meant more to each other than that Jon, but clearly I was wrong!" He hadn't meant to hurt her like this but it hurt to look at her and be reminded.  
"Sansa, I..."  
"no, Jon, were done here, I don't want to look at you anymore" After that she walked away from him and refused to listen to his pleas.

That night sansa had slept peacefully until Jon had woke her up.   
"Go away snow, I told you I didn't want to look at you"  
"No, sansa, you were right I owe you an explanation" I don't want your excuses Jon, she thought to herself. She had never thought he of all people would hurt her like he had, but she was wrong.  
"I need to talk to you about something, something I've never talked about before" He had been drinking she knew, she smelt it on his breath. The look he was giving her, she could see his pain in it and his fear.  
"go on, Jon, explain to me why you have all but abandoned me these last few days!"  
"sansa, please"  
"fine"  
"you know I fought with the wildlings for a time"  
"I do"  
"what you don't know is that during that time I loved a wildling girl, a fierce woman, hair kissed by fire, she was the first woman I had ever loved, but even so I betrayed my friends in the free folk, and ran away back to the wall, during the fighting at the wall between us and the free folk, she died in my arms. I had betrayed her for my brothers of the watch and she died because of it. Tormund knew her as well, and before he left he told me that the way you argued with me at the counsel reminded him of the way I used to fight with ygritte and that you reminded him of her. Ever since he said that, every time I look at you I see her, I see her and I remember. It has been painful to even think of you."  
"so I mean less to you than some dead wildling girl?" That had been far crueler than she had meant, but she was angry with him, he had hurt her more than he knew.   
"No, you don't understand, you mean more to me than she ever did. I loved her its true but still I was willing to abandon her for the watch because they were the only family remaining I had, but they betrayed just because I dared to save the free folk from the walkers. They killed me, my own brothers killed me, just because I asked them to stand with the free folk against the coming threat. Then I was raised from the dead by some foul magic, or so it seemed so at the time, I lost everything, I lost the woman I loved, Robb, father, and for all I knew bran, rickon and arya as well, I was betrayed by the brothers I was fighting so hard to save. I had given up, I was ready to head south and let the world die. Until you arrived at castle black, I had nothing, you were the only reason I kept fighting, you were all that was left, it hasn't been difficult for me to look upon you because I love you less than a dead woman, but because I'm terrified that ill lose you as well, and then I'll truly have nothing left." He was holding back tears, she could tell. He made to leave. She stopped him.   
"Jon, I don't know what to say other than im sorry."   
"why?"  
"i was cruel to you without reason, i should have let you explain yourself beneath the weirwood"  
"you had reason, i should have explained earlier than that." He was too forgiving, it annoyed her when she asked him to forgive her for the horrible way she treated him as a child and it annoyed her now.  
"Goodnight, sansa" he made to leave again.  
"Don't go Jon... Stay with me"

He dreamed of ygritte once again, of their cave and their first time, he remembered how it had felt to be two people wrapped up in one, except he realised the features were no longer those of ygritte but of someone else entirely.

When Jon had awoke in the morning, he was unfamiliar with his surroundings, this was most certainly not the lord's chamber, he had no idea where he was, and then he realised he wasn't the only one in the bed, sansa, he realised. How did I end up here he thought, and then he remembered. This was dishonourable, she was his sister, for them to share a bed... If anyone knew the conclusions they might draw could harm them both, nothing had happened but, he couldn't risk it again. He managed to leave without waking his sister although she stirred slightly, and slipped out unseen.

She awoke to find herself alone again, he had left her without so much as a goodbye, after what he had shared with her the night before she had thought she might have gotten that at least, but no. Brienne entered the room.  
"my lady, king Jon asks you to the high table to break your fast with him" She didn't have much choice, it must've been difficult for him sharing what he did, and she didn't want him to think she was angry at him for leaving, even if she was.  
"Fine. Give me a moment to change" she had noticed brienne's eyes had wandered toward a messy pile on the floor, Jon's armour, they exchanged an awkward glance before brienne left to allow her to change, she was unsure what brienne might have thought. She picked out the dress she had made when she made jon's cloak. Sansa and brienne walked in silence to the great hall, both more than a little uncomfortable. She sat down at the table beside Jon.  
"I take it to mean you think such things are unbecoming of you, king snow, for you to have left without so much as a goodbye, or perhaps it was just to save yourself some embarrassment. And it seems you must have been in quite a hurry as you happened to have left your armour behind. Are you ashamed Jon? Did you're words truly mean that little?" Now that he was sober he seemed more concerned about honor than he did her.


	14. Yara 1

Yara was drinking below deck when the storm hit, she was uneasy about the voyage from the start, it was too great a distance to make all at the once without great risk and they had heard nothing of euron or his movements, the ale helped alleviate the worry, and she fount herself fascinated by this dornishwoman and her promise of 'foreign invasion'. They were about to get started when something rocked the ship, hard, of course something would go wrong, she fucking knew it. A fierce storm was brewed and she could see fuck all until the deck lit up with fire and she saw the silence, the fucking silence, she drew her axe and readied herself for a fight, slaughter was more like it, she painted the decks red the blood of her uncle's crew but euron had them surrounded and outnumbered, in her battle rage she through herself at euron.  
He just smiled and said "give yer uncle a kiss!" And laughed maniacally then he pressed the attack far harder and faster than she could match, she was being backed into a corner, barely able to parry his blows, then he swept her feet out from under her and caught her as she fell with his axe blade under her chin, trapped. Fuck.  
She saw theon and cried out to him but he just stood there with euron goading him on   
"cockless coward" he shouted. And all theon did was abandon her. He really was a fucking coward. Euron cackled and then whispered into her ear, "the rest are for another to take, but I think you, darling niece, would make a fine salt wife" he grinned.


	15. Yara 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was later than expected. But its the one I've thought about the most before writing, because euron was said to be worse than Ramsay and I really want to try and match that.

The hold was dark enough that she couldn't see anything, but there was a foul smell, something was almost certainly dead in there, she had been gagged and bound to a post with heavy iron chains, no way of getting out of those. Footsteps, euron's footsteps. He had brought a torch with him and lit the room with a great many candles, she did not like what she saw, it resembled a torture chamber more than the hold of a ship, he drew his face close to hers.  
"come now, give yer uncle a kiss!"instead she tore a chunk out of his cheek, spraying blood over the both of them. He chuckled at That.  
"oh, I think ill have to do something about those teeth, we would want them getting in the way" he grinned at her. And began to pull them out, slowly, one by one, each accompanied by a scream. When he was done he released her from the post he threw her down on her stomach onto a nearby table, pinning her arms to it with daggers thrust through her hands.he began to cut off her clothes. When he was done he positioned a rough-hewn block and a large bucket of sea water on the floor. He removed his own clothes and the daggers from her hands and bent her over the block so as for it to press on he stomach. As grabbed her by the hair and plunged her head into the water, he violently thrust himself inside her, she tried to scream out in pain but the seawater began to fill her lungs, he was hammering her cunt hard, again and again, she began to strugle harder and more frantically as she felt closer and closer to drowning, he brought her head up long enough to tear off part of her cheek, she heard him chew and swallow, and then thrust her back under, he brought her up again, only long enough so she was kept on the brink of drowning and no further. And then she felt him spill his seed inside her, when he was done he simply bound her again, reclothed himself and walked off with a chuckle.   
"perhaps ill come for another taste later"


	16. The north 4

No one had taken the news kindly that their king would be travelling south to meet the dragon queen, to be truthful, Jon feared another mutiny. He had hoped sansa would appreciate the gesture he had made, especially after their words at breakfast. Despite all his fears he needed to go south for that dragonglass. Jon needed to calm down before he left and so he went to the crypts to think.

He was in the crypts, his father's grave, he wondered how he would feel about all this if he were here.  
"your grace" fucking littlefinger   
"I was responsible for returning his bones as gesture of goodwill from tyrion lannister, we both had her differences me and him but we both loved cat"  
"you don't belong down here"  
"forgive me if I have offended you my king, but I am not your enemy, you wouldn't be here if not for me, I saved you and your sister" and that's the only reason you remain alive, he thought to himself.  
"I love sansa as I loved her mother" no. He would not let him talk of her in such a way. He gripped the bastard's throat and slammed him against the wall for a brief moment he toyed with the idea of killing the slimy prick but decided against it.  
"Touch my sister and I'll kill you myself"   
He hadn't known what had come over him.

Jon and sansa exchanged awkward glances and waves as he left winterfell, she was scared he wouldn't come back and he was scared she wouldn't want him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking back im quite unhappy with this fic and honestly I want to start again with another fic as I see so many things that could be better if I properly planned it this time and took my time more/ went through more than one draft etc. So I might stop this one after the next couple of chapters but I'm not sure yet


End file.
